Indycar Parody Lyrics – Pippa Nation

DZ’s Indycar Parody Lyrics
Parody of ‘Rhythm Nation’ by Janet Jackson
‘Pippa Nation’ by Dammit Hackson (aka:DZ, aka:@groundedeffects)

With Twitter by our side
To break the gender lines
Let’s work together to improve a racer’s life
Our voices to contest
a racer in distress
A racer nation full of courage come and Tweet with me

-CHORUS-
(Tweeple of the world Indy, are we looking for a better racer’s life – sing!)
We are a part of the Pippa Nation
(Tweeple of the world unite, strength in numbers we can help tonight – one time!)
We are a part of the Pippa Nation

With fans she is the best
No struggle, no progress
Lend a hand to help your Pippa do her best
Time is getting close
we have to make it better
It’s time to give a damn let’s work together – come on!


-CHORUS-
-CHORUS-

Piiiiiiiiii-paaa Nation (we are a part of the Pippa Nation)
Piiiiiiiiii-paaa Nation (we are a part of the Pippa Nation)
Piiiiiiiiii-paaa Nation (we are a part of the Pippa Nation)
Piiiiiiiiii-paaa Nation (we are a part of the Pippa Nation)

The Most Important Turn of the Season

As this is being written, there are brand-spanking-shiny new DW12s, replete with the latest in sponsored liveries, being throttled with vigor down in Sebring.  Spring training is upon us and the Indycar season (save for a very few and very unfortunate teams and drivers) is now rapidly approaching on the forward horizon. 


There is scant time to prepare for the most important turn of the season, but to emphasize that turn’s monumental importance, it is important to recapitulate why it is so… 


The last race I saw in person prior to this writing was that glorious underdog victory of a finish at Kentucky on October 2nd, 2011. An early morning IndycarNation bus ride from IMS delivered myself, two racing friends, and 60-some other Indycar fans to Kentucky Speedway. As the sun had slowly risen to burn off the frost, we clambered (still somewhat groggy from our previous night’s escapades in downtown Indy) off the bus to a gorgeous bluebird autumn sky in Sparta, KY. Little did we know the drama that was to unfold just hours later. The following video is re-work by @indy44 of a classic VersusTV ad with Kentucky race highlights seems to encapsulate that race, and the end of Indycar on Versus TV as we knew it. Go ahead and play it – it’s quite enjoyable.

Certainly Ed Carpenter’s first victory which put Sarah Fisher Racing in the Winner’s Circle for the first time was one of the highlights of the 2011 Indycar season. 


As clear as the Kentucky sky was that morning and the sweetness of seeing a race to be added to a hundred years of Indycar lore, what lay just beyond in the coming hours and days was the stuff of the worst Indycar nightmares. 


Immediately following one of the most tremendous underdog victories in recent Indycar history, Sarah announced through tears of joy and pain in Victory Lane that her win was bittersweet due to the fact that her primary sponsor would be leaving at the end of the season. The subsequent questions of the sport’s profile and head-shaking resound through the paddock of stalwart fans and media.

Then, the worst of news… 

Reigning Indy 500 Champion Dan Wheldon dies tragically on Sunday, October 16 in a spectacular crash on Lap 11 (which also tallied numerous severe injuries) during the Las Vegas Indycar World Championship season finale. Weeks of grief and analysis and hand-wringing and brazen ‘strafing attacks’ by far-flung, uninformed branches of the media followed. Dark times indeed.


With much care and deliberation (and little outward detail), Indycar begins the process of investigating the crash while concurrent, rapid preparations are made for a timely and proper memorial to Dan and his family. In just two weeks, things had gone from an incredible high to the lowest of low for which we all were ill-prepared.


Somewhat quietly in relation to the Wheldon backlash, Lotus Cars and Lotus Racing became ensnarled in a paternity battle over the convoluted ownership rights of all the pieces of the company and most certainly was the primary cause of delay in the already critical schedule for the Indycar motor development we see today. 


Despite the beginnings of brighter news when the (newly renamed DW12) chassis are delivered, almost giftlike, to teams near the holidays, motor contracts also become scarce. Manufacturers who’ve based budgets and work on a particular number of cars for the 2012 season, are surprised to find more entries than expected. This leads to much confusion and concern when a number of (smaller and fan-favored) teams with full-season funding are left out in the cold of January and February awaiting any news of impending motor leases which hadn’t yet come.


And, as the 60s radio DJ said, “the hits just keep on coming”…
Early testing of the new chassis and engines reveals some significant deficiencies in the high-speed oval trim to the dismay of alarmists who with great voice insist Indycar and Dallara provide a car that shall not be lesser than the previously unloved and 8 year-old Dallara.


Ovals become scarce on the long-awaited and oft-delayed schedule announcement, again with much vocal opposition by those who seem to prefer watching 33 Watson roadsters amble around to 33 ground-effect machines in a variety of venues.

  
Danica, now fully divorced from Indycar, becomes the media darling of the NASCAR world. This, combined with a still-fragmented TV coverage package, leaves some Indycar followers unsure of the future visibility of the sport.


Assorted negative and positive news comes out of the Indycar world at varying times culminating with a State of the Sport presentation which generally reminds us that, despite where Indycar has been in recent years, months, and weeks, there are many positives on the threshold of this newest of Indycar seasons.

So it has finally come to this…

The dawn of a new season. New cars. New Engines. New and old drivers and teams. New venues and old venues reborn. The cusp of a fresh new Indycar world. What will it look like? How will it be received? What can we count on? 


Not much, I think, but I can tell you this – despite all the crap we stalwarts have been through in the recent weeks, months, and years, despite any positives and spin and ballyhoo regarding a new Indycar world, NOTHING will present the world with our all-new, Phoenix-from-the-ashes sport that is Indycar (what I argue is) the SINGLE-MOST important turn all season…     


Turn One at the Grand Prix of St. Petersburg.

“There are no second chances”…

The key for Indycar’s 2012 season will be held in the hands of those found in just two distinct locations – the starter’s perch and the driver cockpits at St Pete.  Drivers, if you care about nothing else all year, know that you very well may be judged by many on one thing this year; getting through turn 1 and completing the first lap without wrecking. 

There is an opportunity to catch potential fans who will be tuning-in only since October to see what has become of that curiosity known as Indycar. I emplore you to not succumb to temptation and make a mockery of what potential good there is from “the best, fastest, most versatile drivers in the world” by smashing it up at the end of the runway in St. Pete.


I cannot strongly enough remind the league, teams, and drivers, that the fans are still here, ready and waiting for you. To use the words of that speech from the Versus ad at the top of this post: 


“the only thing, THE ONLY THING we can count on at any given moment is YOU.”
     (said the fans to the league, teams, and drivers)
“It’s you versus them.”
     (the naysayers and doomers of this sport)
“It’s you versus ‘NO’!” 
     (those who wait to expose your failures)
“You versus ‘CAN’T’!” 
     (prove to everyone you’re the best drivers in the world).
“You versus next year, last year, statistics, excuses…” 
     (forget the ghosts of the past, your time is NOW.)
“It’s you versus history”
     (it’s time to make your own)
“It’s you versus the odds”
     (show them how great this sport can be)
“It’s you versus second place”
     (tired of being second-rate to NASCAR? I am!)

“The clock is ticking… let’s see what you’ve got.”

Favorite Engines of Indy – Part 2

Today we go back in time a bit when motors weren’t specified by the sanctioning body, yet one was so dominant there was nearly no competition with it for decades.


When power was king and reliability his queen, the racing countryside was ruled by the ‘house of Offenhauser’. From the mid-1930s through the 1970s, the nearly bulletproof Offy dominated the American midget and sprint car scenes and also won the Indianapolis 500 27 times; 1935, ’37, ’41, ’47-’64, ’68, ’72-76. It remains to this day the all-time leader in wins at Indy.


Its design lineage is traced back through the early 1920s in motors (and chassis) produced by Harry Miller, also famous for his wins at Indy. Miller’s cars and/or engines won 12 times in Indianapolis; 1922-’23, ’26, ’28-34, ’36, ’38, Miller’s design was based on a successful Peugeot motor design that won Indy back in 1913, ’16, and ’19. Personal bankruptcy forced Miller to sell his assets and Fred Offenhauser (Miller’s ‘understudy’) bought the rights and continued to develop the motor with the help of shop designer and draftsman Leo Goosen.


Now with the tangible bits of its racing heritage fading, I thought it would be great to hear that sound again. That wonderfully majestic rumble and deep staccato of the four (yes, just four massive) cylinders of over 1 liter in displacement EACH and double-overhead cams that frighten with noise, leaving no doubt as to the power that lies within. Ever-popular with gearheads and collectors to this day, many still exist and are refurbished to working (racing) condition from midgets to collectible race cars that parade at festivals such as Goodwood.


Here’s a video which reproduces the signature engine sound quite well, but honestly, nothing beats hearing them (and smelling them) burn methanol in person. For extra fun, put on some quality headphones, turn the volume up, and enjoy a trip back to the Kingdom of Offenhauser…



Here’s a nice bit of history I found on the interwebnettubes: an audio recording (with slide show of 60s-era cars) of the start and first laps of the 1963 race. If you must (he said begrudgingly) skip the golden voice of Tom Carnegie, Tony Hulman’s Command, and the parade laps, then go to the 6:50 moment to hear the field of 33 (26 Offys, 3 Novis, 2 Fords, 2 Chevys) coming at you in full song which certainly tell a race fan they were in the right place…



Currently the rights the Offenhauser legacy and many Offy rebuilds are held by Van Dyne Engineering in Huntington Beach, CA.  A nice tribute site to the Miller-Offy legacy also exists here, with a concise racing engine history of Harry Arminius Miller here.


Anyone else care to dream about the moonlight on the Wabash tonight?  I know I will.

Zip Line Fever

Lots of talk around the ol’ Twittersphere since the great party thrown by Indianapolis for Superbowl XLVI and especially the Superbowl Village where the Zip Line was an instant hit.  Many have called for IMS to do likewise beginning with the Indy 500 season.  I happen to agree 100% that this needs to happen. 

During my lunch-hour today, my wheels (and mouse and Google Earth and photoshoppery) got the best of me and I threw out on Twitter some ideas (based on my experience at numerous Indy 500 weekends) of Zip Line locations that seem on surface to be quite feasible given the ‘lay of the land’. 

Some traverse the garage areas, some over the fan village and Carb Day concert zone, some at the north end incorporate the New Snake Pit and Miller Lite Party Deck, and some are merely for fun.  I hate to rule anything out until they can be examined anyway…

Below I offer some ideas of fun (and seemingly feasible) locations for a Zip Line at IMS:

I will go ahead and say that they’d have me 4 days in a row over Indy 500 weekend regardless of location but ESPECIALLY if the 750′ (green) option were to materialize.  I’d pay my daily IMS entrance fee PLUS a reasonable Zip Line fee to shuttle into the place over 16th Street, the short chute, and end up in the Hall of Fame Parking Area. Are you kidding me?! What a memory THAT could create! While I understand that version is likely to never happen, I can’t help but wonder anyway…

What would be your Zip Line ideas?

F1 Declares 2012 ‘Year of the Platypus’

The rule changes in F1 for 2012 have created an apparent boon for the automotive plastic (carbon actually) surgeons who all appear to have learned from the same internet school of nose modification. In the name of safety, the noses must be lowered by 7.5 cm to a specified maximum height of 55cm which will help restrict the dangers of a protruding proboscis in a car-to-car incident.


So while Ecclestone continues to reshape the (over-4000 year-old) Chinese Zodiac to suit his legislative agenda, check out this lineup of F1 (ahem) “Beauties” only Bernie could love, in this, the Year of the Platypus:

Wait a tick… what do we have here?! 


A non-duckbilled auto for 2012?!  I give you the GroundedEffects (unrivaled) BEST Looking F1 car of the 2012 season… 

Thank you McLaren for doing what seemed impossible by all other designers. If for not other reason but this, I commend you and shall be cheering for your chrome carriage this season. 


Godspeed oh pretty, shiny McLaren, but beware, for the platypus is not only ugly by most standards, but also a venomous mammal that will ruin your Sunday given the chance.

Which of the above contraptions above do you see as ‘beautiful’?

A Personal Appeal from Indycar Uberfans


OK, so most everyone has seen the mighty Rubens Barrichello in the appetite-whetting video of his test in Sebring with the ever-present GoPro cameras, mobile devices, Facebookery, and Tweetering which documents all sorts of action and going-on these days.

A fair bit of radio and print news has also emerged from the trickles and gushes of information from this ‘private’ event. We’ve even seen heretofore unofficial and highly (but not really, apparently) classified performance information from various sources on site in Sebring.

We fans go ga-ga for this stuff, especially on the heels of the demi-official start of the 2012 racing season, The Rolex 24 Hours at Daytona. Our juices have been flowing already this off-season with thoughts of the potential for new juggernauts (or at least some getting-to-know-you drama from learning new equipment).

My point is (and I do have one) that we “uberfans” LOVE (bold,underline,italics) this information!

My fear is (and I do have one) that despite all the assumptions of privacy during private testing, we’re on the verge of seeing a ban on Twitter use (or other such similar outlets) by league and league-related peeps.

Dear Powers-That-Be,
Please don’t.

Sincerely,
FansWhoRespectAndEnjoyTheseRaysOfIndycarSunshineDuringTheOffseason

Man Do I Ever Miss This Guy…

 


Seems funny to say it out loud since in some ways he was but a blip in the statistics of Indianapolis 500 Mile Sweepstakes compared to the legends whose tales we so frequently regale.

A racer who never really threatened to win at Indy, and so much so that he was the subject of a spoof song by radio personalities Bob and Tom back in 1987. The female singer laments drawing his name (or ‘pulling Dick’ per the lyric) in the Indy 500 office pool every year.

When I look back, however, I have to consider him very underrated both as a driver and car owner. Written in 1994, this article by Jim Murray reminds us of how it used to be and also how time has a way of allowing us to forget some of the more “un-Penske-like” everyman racers who appeared each year on the grounds of IMS.

Often driving in ‘second-tier’ equipment, he showed up every year to contest Indy, largely because he loved it so and because, in his words, “It is the most visible championship in all of sport”. ‘Effervescent’ and ‘never-say-die’ are words that seem associated with him frequently, his annual also-ran status notwithstanding. Such is the passion that so many who have wrenched, raced, or even just watched experience but perhaps none so much as an owner than Dick Simon who, in 1994, had a record SIX cars in the race. His top qualifier Raul Boesel finished fourth under two questionable stop-and-go penalties that kept him from winning.

A favored interview as a car owner because of his passion for Indy, perhaps none captured better than by Gary Gerould on Pit Road in 1993 moments after the the traditional build-up and command had been given and the cars begin to pull away…

Some minor internet research would indicate you signed the 100th anniversary Marmon Wasp Dallara last summer and your thoughts are still with Indy now and again.

Cheers to you and yours Mr. Dick Simon, racer. I hope to see you again one day in May, making your way around IMS somewhere if only to shake your hand and say ‘thank you’ for reminding us all how special it is ‘just’ to be at Indy.

Looking ahead to 2012…

It’s that time of year my professional line of work (construction) tends to wind down a bit due to weather and, as the snowflakes fall, I want to recall a warmer, more enjoyable time of the year… Late-May.

Looking to Mays both past and ahead, just 168 days remain to departure for the 2012 Indy 500 trip. I begin to think about details and planning and improvements to the previous trip which leads to that monumental answer to the annual question that I cannot pose soon enough…

WHO IS THE CARB DAY BAND?!

Monumental stuff to be sure as I have a fair group of people who are able only to come down for Carb Day and overnight, not the whole of the weekend. 

Plans must be made. Budgets combed through. Proper food and accommodation must be arranged. I take my trip and my hospitality VERY seriously. I also realize the band is very likely not selected at this point, so if the decision-makers are in the house, I’d like to offer my annual suggestions for Carb Day band selection, in no particular order…


On the heels of what was, in my opinion, a (maybe shouldn’t be, yet very surprisingly) great show by ZZ Top in 2010, my standard is found in a veteran touring band with musical chops, extensive catalog and popularity, and ability to easily rock the 19-49 year-old demographic equally. 

I submit for your consideration three HUGELY popular bands currently available in mid-2012:


1. Red Hot Chili Peppers










2. Pearl Jam





3. ABBA










OK, so the third option was facetious but the point could be made that ABBA is equally attractive as your crapcore bands such as Papa Roach or other infamous representative markers of a genre, depending on the audience you are attempting to attract. A broad appeal is always better if sheer volume of traffic is your goal, HOWEVER…I would like to propose an idea which isn’t totally original yet would seem to be a great way to appeal to a more broad spectrum – adopt a single-day/festival approach. 

Instead of a single headline Carb Day band with smaller bands during the Month of May schedule, (of which most have a minor audience), bring that variety of bands (much as you have already) but allow them all to play on Carb Day. Two separate stage areas – one larger stage as we have today, and a smaller one down near the Turn 3-4 area. Have each of 4 to 6 bands play 60-75 maximum minutes with the two stages going concurrently. 

Two bands on the larger Miller Lite Stage is really no different than what exists today, with more popular (read: current) bands, one skewing to the younger set and one to the older demographics. On the smaller stage, incorporate other popular styles such as Jam Bands or other bands representative of different eras (read: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy as swing, etc.). IMS is certainly large enough to house two stages in this manner and the result is very likely a win-win as I see it.

The Indianapolis Motor Speedway has a rich and extensive history. To honor the many traditions and eras as possible on Carb Day would seem to make it a richer experience for more attendees, and also could very well be more lucrative for IMS by charging the paltry sum of $40-50 (or double what was charged in 2011 and 4 times the 2009 rate) for an ‘all-you-care-to-experience’ of Carb Day in the future.

Indycar Slang Dictionary

As it has quite possibly been well overdue to become reality, (and since some insist that silly season isn’t really in full-swing yet) we here at the Ground(ed) Effects blog hereby provide an open space for Indycar fans to participate in (what I believe to be) the first ever Indycar Slang Dictionary.


Your valuable assistance will help reduce the painful embarrassment thousands of newer or lesser informed Indycar fans may be forced to endure every day around their workplace, home, forums, or Twitter accounts, by not having the best slang or popular reference associated with the sport of Indycar.  Please help us all keep abreast of the current and past lingo associated with the wildly popular Indycar Series by submitting today.

Please submit (either via email to groundedeffects@gmail.com or simply as a comment below) your Indycar slang words with part of speech, definition, and an example of how the word is used. While this space is meant to be fun and not an official product of Indycar, IMS, or Hulman & Co. branding in anyway, we also do not aim to violate any copyright laws, so…

NOTE: If your word is an unregistered trademark, unlicensed service mark, or registered trademark, please do not submit. If you want are unsure of the origin is trademarked,  please refer to The US Patent and Trademark Office registry or if the owners of such items wish to submit for reference, we will accept them here. 

Again, we are searching primarily only for slang or popular references. If you only have only a word of reference, we will attempt to complete the definition as best we can.  Further, we will attempt to continue to compile ad infinitum for posterity (or at least until people quit submitting/ceases to be fun).

Some early submissions include:
Visoed
King Hiro
chrome horn
Conweezy
jawn
TGBB
crapwagon
Offy
Cossie
Princess Sparkle Pony
lump
Milka

Please feel free to throw words here for submission. I’ll review them and contact you with any questions.  Many thanks for you assistance!